Today

Today endometriosis has robbed me...of my enthusiasm for the future, my self-image and mostly my feeling of youth. During my battle with endometriosis over the past 7 years, it has challenged me time and again, it has pushed my boundaries and taught to how to appreciate the small things in life and how to cope with pain and other side effects.

But after subjecting my body to drugs, surgery and more gynecologist appointments than any women should have to go to, I found out that at the age of 33 I have premature ovarian failure and will never have children of my own. To be honest, I have never been desperate to have children, but the lack of choice is the hardest part of this disease.
I am angry - knowing the severity of my problem, why didn't the doctor ever check my ovary functioning, especially since I just went through 6 months of Zoladex injections. We could have possibly considered harvesting & storing eggs before I started the treatment.

I have tried to stay positive and keep my 'chin up' during the years, but today; just today, I feel beaten...I feel like a failure. I keep thinking "my poor husband, he married a dud!".
The idea of facing more than half my life on hormone; hot flashes; weight gain etc is just too much at this moment.

SELF-PITY, yes! But today I want to know 'why me?'

Normally I would say that everything happens for a reason - but if you think of uttering those words right now, I'll scream and possibly hurt someone. What possible reason could there be for this torment!

Today I feel that endometriosis has taken more from me than I can bare. Luckily - tomorrow is another day.